I did not expect that the movie Warm Bodies would enable me to feel again.
Single for almost 2 years now and I have rejected every man that has approached me because my 4 year relationship ached so bad that I just wanted to stay away from anything that is related with relationships.
Little did I know that I have successfully turned myself into a zombie.
Yes, I joined in so many activities like planting trees, protesting for the trees, joined animal rights group, joined as many causes as I can in the span of 2 years in order to keep myself engaged.
And while it was true that I felt various emotions, it was also a way to shut my heart down because of the bitterness that I felt in my heart.
Don't get me wrong, volunteering gave me so much meaning and I have learned to know what my abilities are and how far I can go if I really wanted to.
It made me see what I can do and that contributing something is possible.
But in the most honest sense of the word... I also failed myself at one thing...
I used to enjoy watching movies with my ex boyfriend, just enjoyed the sensation of being there with someone and doing absolutely nothing.
And even though my ex boyfriend and I would never be in the same planet again...this movie really made me want that companionship again..
that special feeling that happens when you allow someone to creep into your heart...
Somehow the scene on the airplane with the Zombie named R and the heroine Julie made me remember of the things that I have forgotten.
While I was truly busy serving so many organizations....i lost the ability to feel for another human being.
When a random guy chats me up I immediately turn off my chat box, if someone is trying to approach me telling me about what they feel I easily dismiss them and think of them as clingy individuals who have nothing important to do.
All the while I have been preaching about love, but have no idea how to enact the feeling of valuing someone.
The truth of the matter is...I had so much love to give to plants and animals but none whatsoever for any male specie that came along my way.
While watching that movie a region of my brain suddenly became alive, the scenes and the soundtrack of the film just made me feel something.
Created a tiny spark in my heart.
Perhaps it was the song...the humming of the soundtrack...just a little patience...it just made me remember a part of me that hid itself after I got my heart broken.You see, when someone breaks your heart, part of your innocence dies with you.
You just want to hide it all up, because you cannot even accept the fact that you fell, you fell so hard that the only way to save yourself is to totally shut down the part of your brain that believes in romance.and once that part of you shuts down and no longer believes in romance...
Life loses its zest no matter how successful you are in other life areas...
You start to get practical, you start thinking about diapers and electricity bills and pregnancy bills that you would rather not approach the topic of dating anymore.
This is one of the hardest things to endure when you get your heart broken...you want your innocence back, but not knowing how...or if you ever will....
It's too painful in every sense of the word, its painful to risk and it is painful to feel so many things all at the same time just for one person.
After the break-up turning into a zombie just became natural for me.
All I wanted to think about was my work, how to earn money, how to improve my job.
But there is always that little part of me inside that tells me I am not being human.
Before I turned into a zombie I was willing to become vulnerable, to offer a piece of myself in the hopes of connecting
While being logical all of the time was great...because it allowed me to finish a lot of tasks in one day...
A part of me just died, hid itself and did not even want to believe in cherishing another person aside from myself.
Yes, I did learn that no one should depend on anybody in order to survive, that is not the rule of life and must never be.
But then a person who has allowed themselves to become a Zombie in the literal sense of the word would not be able to share and thus would not be able to love.
In a weird way...watching a Corpse fall in love with a human being reminded me of the things that I did not want to feel but have to face in the process...
It reminded me of my humanity..and the fact that even after watching a hopeless case scenario of people turning into Zombies some twisted Hollywood director and writer out there..would dare present a happy ending to an otherwise overused Zombie story and even place romance in it...
Bravo! Thank you for making me feel again!It is with the realization that this is a really weird connection...
but hey this is a free world...
Thank you to the creators of the film...
Warm Bodies!
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